Sunday, December 31, 2006

2007, C'mon Down!

Ok here's some fashion looks to leave in 2006 per and me.

Fingerless Gloves
Radar says they "..never made anyone look "biker-tough" or "rock-n-roll chic".
I say, they never made anyone look biker-tough or rock-n-roll chic. Well, Madonna did it wayy back in the Material Girl days and it worked with the rest of her mish-mosh, but not on you. Yes, I've seen you in Chicago, in the winter heading to the emergency room to donate a couple phalanges.

Giant HeadPhones
I agree with Radar, this pretentious look is over. You are not a DJ or directing traffic at Midway OK! And I've seen you on bikes wearing these HUGE things that not only make you unable to hear but now you have no peripheral vision. Please stop it.

Cardigans Worn Over Shoulders
Radar says some think it's still Ralph Louren country club classiness and I agree it was. WAS. Barbara Walters does this constantly. Nuff said.

Sunglasses Worn Inside
This, per Radar means "I'm dying for attention." So unless there's an army ofpaparazzi standing by to snap your photo, just let it go. Well, I say this is harmless, unless your shades have white rims shaped like a heart. Also, if you wear big, very dark ones, don't be surprised when some do-gooder tries to help you walk. I've seen this happen, it's not pretty.

Muffin Top Look
This one is my addition and I say, YUCK! I know I'm ancient, but I am certainly not prudish and I know fashion is fun for young folk and all that, but YUCK. In my ancientness I thought at first that these young women just really had to wear low-riders even though they created an unsightly abdominal eruption all the way around the hip hugger area. Then I noticed no matter how thin the body was the eruption was still there. Finally, I learned the Muffin Top look was the desired effect. (These are conservative pics, believe me. It's usually more like the picture below).
Look, I like low riders (on other people) and love boot cut (c'mon they're bell bottoms) and I love the name, muffin top, cute, I but hope it stays in 2006.

Crack Exposure
You know what I'm talkin' bout. Going to the grocery store is the worse, with women bending to get items from the shelves. Some of course don't have to bend, it's there all the time for us to see. Now, put Muffin Top, Crack Exposure and a crack tattoo together. Yep, painful. I suggest you leave the crack attack to plumbers with tool belts. It's expected and accepted there. So unless you join the union and come to fix the sink, STOP IT!

I hope you weren't offended by any of this, it's all in fun and please know that I am only serious. I can't wait to see what 2007 brings.


Dustin said...

This post was hilarious! I can totally relate to some of these things.

Fingerless Gloves - Do people really wear these? I haven't seen them here. Hmm maybe it is not cold enough. I guess I missed that trend.

Giant HeadPhones - Oh yes, we have a neighbor who runs around the park everyday with these huge headphones. I had NO idea they were a new trend. I just thought he was being retro and pulled out his Walkman tape player and headphones. BTW, he also runs in the 80s gear so maybe he is just recycling.

Cardigans Worn Over Shoulders - Welcome to the 80s! This look is only acceptable at the club after a tennis match and only after you have worn the sweater during the game.

Sunglasses Worn Inside - Too funny, I agree with you that you should only wear these if the paparazzi are hounding you.

Muffin Top Look - UUUGGGHH! I see this way too often. Ladies, please just buy your pants one size bigger. I actually own low-riders (in the right size) and I love them. Happy to see the Muffin top look go...but not the low riders.

Crack Exposure - Like you, I thought this look was relegated to plumbers with tool belts...who would have thought that it would become such a trend along with tattoo crack.

Excellent post! Thanks for the memories of 2006 trends.

Jackie said...

That's so funny, your neighbor may not even know he's in step with what's up. It's all so funny, from the tiny ear buds to these monster phones. What's next?

Maria said...

You are so on target with everything! Great resolutions
for the new year. I enjoyed this post very much. You are a witty & classy lady. In that regard I feel it my duty to nominate "Things According To Me," Best Blog
Of 2006! Go Jackie!!! I did want you to know thatsome years ago I was gifted with "fingerless-gloves!" This was so when I drove my car I had a good grip on the wheel. BUT! My fingers froze....and I wasn't able to drive
or do anything for that matter. I wonder who the lunatic was who thought up that
ridiculous idea!

Jackie said...

Maria, you are too sweet. Keep those fingers toasty.