Monday, May 18, 2009

Bibles and Axe Handles

Alex posted a real story about a man denied the right to say goodbye to his life partner of 26 years. He sat in the parking lot of the hospital with only a photo of his husband.

Some people will never care if it's called civil unions or marriage or how many Supreme Courts or governors or propositions say that I have the right to love. They will never see me as a human being. They will ignore the reality of their own children's lives. They will wave their bibles and self righteousness and will not stop at withholding acceptance, but will stand in the doorway like Lester Maddox with his axe handle.

Many of these people are determined to have the last word. We are forced to live in fear of these people. So we protect ourselves as best we can with living wills and legal documents and civil unions. But, an accident or medical emergency can land us at their mercy. We can instantly come up against the axe handle of doctor or nurse Maddox or aunt or cousin Maddox.

Another scary thing is, we are often blind sided by the family that seems accepting by including a same sex partner in family gatherings and trips and getting along just fine. Then all of a sudden you are not allowed in the hospital room. Not allowed to make decisions. Not a blood relative. You have no kinship rights whatsoever. The same people with their arms around you at the family barbeque are suddenly strangers and worse than that. It's a scary fear to live with. Fear of the known and the unknown Maddox's.
It happens all too often and will continue to happen until we can marry and have universally recognized legal kinship. But even when it's the law of the land, and it will be, there will still be a battle against those like Maddox who closed his business rather than put down the axe handle.

7 comments:

jjbrock said...

Jackie come-on! 26 years and he was not allow to say good bye? That is painful.

Jackie said...

Painful hardly covers it. Hard to believe anyone could be that cruel. What's painful is that this happens too often and is not the worst that happens. Imagine these relatives also swooping down and taking things from your home you've shared with someone for decades. This happens a lot and they actually have legal rights to everything more than a same sex partner. It's a horrible truth and fear many American citizens live with.

jjbrock said...

Jackie I don't understand how people can be so cruel and cause someone else so much pain.

Jackie said...

Dehumanizing people make it easier to close your mind and your heart. But at a time of hurt and stress of an illness? It is hard to understand that kind of meaness.

On the other side of this, most doctors and nurses are extremely kind, and compassionate. Family memebers too have come around because of family emergencies to embrace their children's partners and there is healing.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hello there!

It is very sad! Why did the dying person's family NOT state that he was family? I don't understand. I have been to hospitals and they only permit "family" and they don't ask for ANY PROOF.

If the family excluded that person then that is really just purely vindictive.

One of my friends was a transgender person and at "HER" funeral, "HER" family presented "HER" in male clothing even though "SHE" was always in female clothing.

It just goes to show that the family wants the last word...even in death. The family never accepted the transgender choice and made THAT known at the funeral with their decisions. The friends of the deceased were utterly appalled.

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

Jackie said...

Lisa, the family never accepted the them as a couple. You are right, hospitals "usually" do not get involved and are very helpful, unless like in this case, they make it clear that the partner is NOT blood and that they do not give permission for visitation. Even with living wills, blood may win out. Last word is right. Transgendered people must live in fear of what happened to your friend. They disrespected her life completely.